My Story From heartbreak to happiness
One in every eight couples know the painful challenges of infertility. I’m here to tell you, mama you are not alone.
I’ve been in your shoes. I’ve walked in them, through miscarriages, ectopic pregnancies, infertility treatments, and the roller coaster of emotions that comes with infertility.
We are part of the one and eight that struggle.
My struggle began in 2009 when I became pregnant. This was not planned or a wanted pregnancy, but over the next couple weeks, I learned to embrace this gift, as many struggle just to conceive.
Being as I was young and in good health, my first prenatal visit was scheduled at eight weeks.
Everything changed from there on out.
I felt alone, scared, and heartbroken, yet I was happy, relieved, and thankful. As I recovered physically, I have never recovered emotionally.
Not only did I lose a child that day, but I lost a little bit of myself as well.
Fast forward to years later, surprise, I am pregnant again. As excited as I was, I had my reservations as well. I went to my first prenatal appointment, but shortly after being there, I was told the devasting news…
Yet again, another tubal pregnancy. I went straight in for emergency surgery, and that’s when my world turned upside down.
The Dreaded Words
The words “you’ll never be able to conceive naturally” still ring through my ears. The reality is devastating.
So many questions consumed me. For every why and what if I had there was never an answer that would mend my heart back from losing two children. Over the next few years, tears were shed, laughter was shared, and our lives went on, but there was always a void.
To fill that void in our life, we decided to embark on our first IVF journey.
In Vitro Fertilization:
In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a procedure in which eggs (ova) from a woman’s ovary are removed. They are fertilized with sperm in a laboratory procedure, and then the fertilized egg (embryo) is returned to the woman’s uterus. (1)
Let’s get real mama; it’s a scary process. You’ve already endured a lot, the last thing you want to do is go through more pain and suffering. I see the tears through your smile. I know what it’s like. Pretending everything is ‘okay’ as you hide your true feelings, but you are not alone.I’m with you.
We kept our infertility and treatments a secret from everyone. As I look back at our journey, I regret this decision. We wanted to surprise our family and friends with the news of our pregnancy, just like any other ‘normal’ couple.
I was embarrassed, I was mad, and I was jealous.
I have to give my husband some credit here, as I did most of the work he was my support through the whole process. He was there through everything; shots, tears, sonograms, surgeries, laughter, more tears, and those days when I just wanted to give up, he was there.
During our first round of IVF, they were able to retrieve and inseminate nine eggs. Two of which would be transferred five days later and the rest of our future babies would be frozen for a later date.
The Two Week Wait
There’s a thing called the ‘two-week’ wait. It’s the wait between embryo transfer and your first ultrasound. So when you hear the words ‘we survived the two-week wait,’ it’s a big deal.
It’s the longest two weeks of your life. I must have taken eighty pregnancy tests during this time. I was a mess. Finally, ultrasound day came, and we got the official confirmation we’ve been waiting for. Not only did it work but both embryos had implanted.
For us, it was great news. I remember thinking we got the two for one deal and I would never have to do this again. Our happiness was short lived.
Unfortunately, we lost the smaller of the two a few weeks later. To us, this was another blow to our already emotional state. How can one be happy that they are still pregnant, yet just lost a child?
I went on with a healthy pregnancy and delivered our first son via cesarean on December 6th, 2013. I’ll save the details of the traumatic experience for a different day, but for now, our void had been filled.
The Second Journey
Both my husband and I grew up with a younger sibling, and we felt our son needed one too. So, a year and a half later we embarked on our second IVF journey and defrosted our snow babies.
This time we were more open about our infertility and shared the process with our family and friends. Nine months later our second son was born on January 12th, 2016.
Our family is now complete. I am thankful every day for my little miracles. They have given me a reason to wake up in the morning and have taught me to love unconditionally, no matter what.
Mama, hold on to hope. Your time will come and in those moments of defeat repeat after me;
I am strong, I am brave, I am beautiful, I am not alone.
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